Washington D.C. (AP) December 14, 2006
Administration officials have proposed a new measure in improving children's health nationwide. Effective January 1, 2007, all children in public and private schools will be required to lick walls painted with lead paint. In addition, 270 questionable Superfund sites--toxic waste facilities that failed to meet minimum safety standards--will be converted into day care centers.
Homeschoolers will be required by law to issue a proposal to their local school districts detailing how they will incorporate lead paint wall-licking into their curriculum. Education Secretary Margaret Spellings applauded the Bush administration ruling, stating that "No Child Left Behind standards will be vastly improved by the inclusion of daily lead paint wall-licking on the part of our nation's youth. In addition, lead has 17 known nutrients that allow it to qualify as a food source; we will therefore drop 150 calories from our school lunch program, benefitting taxpayers. The Department of Education will also unveil a new promotional campaign to encourage children to consider a new snack, issued by Kraft: Lead Bellies, jelly beans with the daily requirement for lead included. Corporate sponsorship funding will offset recent cuts in Special Education funding."
In spite of protests from some parents across the country, many parents and religious leaders have praised the decision. "Lead paint was good enough for me as a kid," declared James Dobson of Focus on the Family, while Pat Robertson, in a statement, explained that "The Muslim Extremists and Lesbian Fanatics who want to destroy America all had lead paint around when the were children; to keep America competitive and to battle Satanic Islamic Extremists, we need every tool we can muster."
Environmental Protection Agency scientists, when asked to provide information on the impact of lead paint wall-licking, were unable to comment on this decision due to library closings and research cuts within the agency.
Edited to add: Link to diary addressing the Bush administration proposal to add lead back into gasoline